I breathe your name every exhalation
Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.
minister - Synecdoche, New York ( 2008 )
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losing. letting it go.
I lost... my phone. Yes, my nokia E71 with the rusting-becoming-transparent buttons, contains important smses, weird videos, explicit content photos (nah it dont really that 'explicit' like the title)...
The phone itself isn't that important, but my sms. Just one sms I saved in my phone which I just read it this afternoon and I never thought that it was the last time I would read that sms. Maybe its time to really really letting it go, hm?
FUCK.
I think I will withdraw from this world for awhile. I have to go back to Andromeda, fix my life. Just for awhile...
seperti kata kamu, 'semua akan indah pada waktunya.'
Earth, Milky Way. 22:46.
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New Wave
| (words quoted from here)new sketchbook, starting over a new page. Still in the same dull, packed and dusty room with old television (and local channels), tissues, comfy pillows, working air-con, macbook, iPod and an empty sketchbook. My world is complete.. autistic.Reflections & Memories. Regretful. 24 hours. A Loner. Andromeda Galaxy. Without you.00:41 AM, Andromeda Galaxy, it feels so good to be home. |
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how to say goodbye
Living isn't quite the same
You said to me, it's runnin' away.
If you're scared or tired of what you're scared of
Why should you stay
You love to say goodbye
And always counted all the time
'til he was free
to get up and leave
to learn how to breathe
again...Slippin' out to have a cigarette
with someone else that he'd never met
Ask her if by the way would you like to
run away and try to forget
Just not to stay
To leave without saying whyTo get up and go
To catch the last train
To get in some car and drive out again
To never come back this way
Left to say: goodbye
so long
farewell
ovwar
(how to say goodbye - Paul Tiernan)
ps : for you who are so kepo (even until he's gone for God's sake), its a free country, I could say anything even 'Love you' to a dead person.
Rest in peace, Bonaventura Ivhan Dwilhaksana.
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